Ginny Weasel's Life
by Jales992
Summary: Ginny Weasel is… a perfect representation of a notsototallycompletely perfect Ginny Weasley. This is a twist of what may have happened had J. K. Rowling decided to drink coffee and eat “pixie stix” excessively while writing up the famous Harry Potter nove
1. Ginny Weasel's Bio

I worked very hard on this story and hope everyone likes it! Please review! *~*~*~*~* Ginny Weasel's Bio!  
  
*~*~*~*~* First of all, yes there is a difference between Ginny Weasel and Ginny Weasley. Ginny Weasley is some shy and B average girl- the most boring it could be! (yeah, she did change in the fifth book, as we hoped she would.)  
  
Now, Ginny Weasel is some totally funny 'n cool girl who can speak for herself. She lets the truth out and the FUNNY! Below is a biography of Ginny Weasel.  
  
Ginny Weasel-1981-?  
  
Ginny Weasel has never been known as the shy type, and never as the weak one! Because she was so LOUD and annoying, there was an extremely "perfect" site named Ginny Weasel that was put in her honor!  
  
She was born in 1981 to Molly Weasel and for some unknown reason, her mother recalls that she could say and spell Harry Potter's name before she could spell her own. At the age of two, Ginny Weasel finally learned what an earring was and how to pull it off mummy's ear!  
  
A few months later, she accidently learned to read Latin instead of English and was crowned as the youngest Greek mythologist of the century. While studying mythology, she discovered a new planet, one she called planet "Earth" which was the noise her Dad often made when he tried to whistle!  
  
At the age of four, she cunningly disguised herself as a spy and saved the American Revolution! A little later, her brother Ron stole her toy broomstick and she ended out cursing him out the window! And that was the first sign of magic she possessed! And that was really early for her age!  
  
When she turned five, she was a contestant in Who Wants to be A Millianaire (some freaky muggle "game-show,") and went home with a million dollars. Since she didn't know anything about Muggle currency, she ended out decorating her house with some "useless" green paper.  
  
At the age of seven, not only had Ginny Weasel memorized the alphabet, but she also discovered she was COOL! Ginny was totally ganste'! She wore all GREEN to her school and had green highlights in her bright red hair, and green on BLACK glasses (black framed with green lenses,) along with her totally jade headband! Her school mates had unusual names: some guy who called himself "Eminem," some girl who called herself Vitamin C, and Debbie.  
  
When she turned ten, she totally ditched her old school and stayed home and played around. So she waited and waited til she got to go to Hogwarts School!  
  
When she turned 11, her parents kicked her out of the house and told her to walk to Hogwarts. But she stole their car instead and flew to Hogwarts in Non-Invisible Mode.  
  
Later, she met her brothers, Ron the Weasel, Forge and Gred, Harlie, Bill, and Perc-me and they played Bid-Itch.  
  
All belonging to the Weasel family! 


	2. First Day Back

What I think may be the idea of a crazy class.:  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"This is the worst schedule ever!" Ron complained to Forge and Gred, "Magical Creatures, Divination, and History of Vacuum Cleaners! I thought Hogwarts had better options than that!"  
  
"What?!" Hermione gasped, "You mean we don't have Potions?! That's awful! I like making graphics!"  
  
"Who doesn't?" Harry asked, "At least tomorrow we have Quilling and Muggle Buddies.  
  
"Don't we have the best luck?" Ginny Weasel said sarcasticly as she pulled her lightning green headband on. "But Divination's actually easy.... you'll see what I mean sooner than you think! We have it next!"  
  
"What?!" Harry and Ron yelled checking their schedules.  
  
"That's right," Ginny Weasel said, "The first class of the year is.... Divination... live with it."  
  
*At Class*  
  
Today, we will be talking about er... how to scare third years with spooky voices and eerie tones! First class, say 'Oooooooooh, Ooooooooooooooooh, Ooooooooooooooooooooh, Oooooooooooooooh-Ooooh-OOOOOOOOOOOOOH! I foresee danger coming your way, perhaps even faster than you think.........' She closes her eyes.  
  
Parvati whispered to Lavender, "Thank goodness, we brought our barn animals to school... the animal chorus will take care of this problem...."  
  
The horses, chickens, roosters, cows, SHEEP, lambs, ducks, pigs, and geese lined up and started singing: Oooooooooooooooooooh! Moo-Moo! Quackdidy- Didy! Oinkidy-Ooooh! Mywhoohoo-hoo-hoo! Ooooooooooooooooh!! The barn animals exit down the ladder....  
  
"We foresee great danger coming your way faster than you think." The class chorused trying hard not to cry... but then.... Trelawney burst into tears..... "I have never heard a more beautiful song!"  
  
The class got scared so while she was crying they jumped out the window....That WAS the fastest way out!  
  
*The Next Day*  
  
"Well, you were right about one thing..." Harry said.  
  
"One thing?"  
  
"Yeah, that class wasn't too hard. In fact, it was kinda easy..."  
  
"I'm glad you think that way," she blinked, "I hope you'll like to hear our net Divination class is tomorrow!" 


	3. Weird Class of Magical Creatures

Chapter Three- Weird Class of Magical Creatures  
  
Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny were eating breakfast in the Great Hall discussing their schedules.  
  
"We've got Magical Creatures next, then History of Vacuum Cleaners," Hermione reminded them.  
  
"Followed by our worst nightmare," Ron added.  
  
"Divination," Harry agreed.  
  
"It's not THAT hard," Ginny Weasel commented, "Just pretend and fake things and you pass the class."  
  
"Basically," Hermione grinned, "It's boring."  
  
"Nah, not boring," Harry argued, "Just easy. We survived our first classes by bringing barn animals to school! I wonder who brought them there." He frowned.  
  
Ginny grinned as she got up from the table, "I'll meet you guys in class." They couldn't argue with that, so she left....  
  
*~*~*~At Magical Creatures~*~*~*  
  
Professor Kettleburn got up from her desk and told the students in a deep voice:  
  
"There are a lot of magical creatures out there. Most of which are dangerous! The following are the most dangerous and the most feared creatures to ever walk the face of this planet! Here they are:  
  
Harry Potter  
  
Draco Malfoy  
  
Hermione Granger  
  
Ginny Weasel  
  
Forge/Gred Weasel  
  
Ron THE Weasel  
  
and er... that's it (Voldemort raises his hand.. 'Teacher? What about me???!!!')  
  
Yep that's the list, and if you ever... ('Hey!') see such a scary beast that has the following characteristics, just stay still and the pain will pass faster:  
  
a scar on the forehead, red hair and "weasely," bushy hair, or a look of great disgust on a monsters face as he/she watches Muggles/Muggleborns,  
  
Class dismissed! I will resign to enjoy the use of my remaining limbs!"  
  
"Where did those names sound familiar?" Hermione asked curiously.  
  
"Dunno," Ron said.  
  
"It's at the tip of my tongue, but I still don't know...." Harry said in disappointment.  
  
"Oh well," said Ginny as she carried her books to History class, "Maybe we'll find out one day..."  
  
"I hope so." said Harry feeling suspicious.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Yes, they are all weird, but their classes are weirder and will get even weirder. Prepare for their next classes!  
  
Hoped you liked this chapter! 


	4. A Bit More Enjoyable

Chapter Four- A Bit More Enjoyable  
  
Ginny Weasel, harry, Ron, and Hermione are walking down the hall to Professor Binn's classroom. As they walk through the door, they manage to catch a glance at him before he makes an announcement:  
  
"Er.... students... today I have an announcement to make... um...er.... (not very good at making speeches, is he?) since....eh...... last year, the headmaster....er.... complained this class was.... boring, he decided to...make some...changes. He stares pointedly at a vacuum cleaner next to his desk.  
  
The class grinned. Professor binns and a vacuum cleaner were a perfect match!  
  
"Here's what's.... needed............."  
  
*~*~*(Brace yourself!)~*~*~*  
  
Today we will be learning about Raneoff the Goodness, who used a sword to cut his chicken open and.....  
  
BBBBZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ  
  
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ  
  
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ  
  
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ  
  
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ  
  
ZZZZZZZZZZZZ  
  
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
......And that's how Elvis learned to dance. Now lets move on to Kathikner the Barner which means......  
  
BBBBBBBZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ  
  
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZz  
  
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ  
  
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ  
  
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ  
  
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ  
  
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ  
  
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
........he invented the internet and rap at the same time his golden fisherman died......  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Apparently, they had to do something to make class more interesting!!!! So students took turns using a vacuum cleaner during tough lectures to make them make sense. Nice solution, eh?  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Well that was an interesting lesson," Ginny commented laughing.  
  
"Sounds easier than Divination," Ron said wisely.  
  
"Something tells me this year will be different," Hermione said smiling.  
  
"Yeah," Ginny grinned, "It will be." 


	5. Crazy Ideas and a Weirder Lesson

Chapter Five- Crazy Ideas and a Weirder Lesson  
  
"You still think Divination is easy?" Harry asked Ginny, trying to be smart.  
  
"Yes," she answered, "But this is just too useless. I'm gonna get rid of Divination... just for today, so don't keep your hopes up."  
  
"What is it?" Ron aksed hopefully.  
  
"You'll find out soon." she smiled.  
  
*~*~*Worst Nightmare*~*~*  
  
"Today, we will be talking about er... uh... how to use the stars to.... er... read uh.... minds! Yeah, that's right!!! Now I need the whole class to look up and do what I do!"  
  
(Remember the class had recently jumped out of a twenty floor window!)  
  
Harry looked up from his cast around his big toe...  
  
Ron looked up from his wheelchair.  
  
Ginny looked up from her seat, and slowly grinned, and she thought: "Aha! Everyone's about to fall for my trick again..."  
  
When Draco with difficulty tried to look up, he fell asleep on the floor.  
  
Trelawney had enough of this, and so she went to her desk and took out a vaccuum cleaner (hey! Remember it's Hogwarts!) "Nobody move! Or else, I'll be forced to use this...."  
  
*~*~*At the Coomon-Room*~*~*~*  
  
Hermione frowned. There had to be something she could do to stop Draco Malfoy from being so perfect...... What kind of idea?  
  
Finally!  
  
She got the perfect idea- the DA!  
  
The DA would be the best....  
  
The greatest.....  
  
And the Perfectest of them all....  
  
The DA stands for:  
  
Dangerous Anger.  
  
Proudly, she got up and skipped to the Great Hall, where she would be meeting Harry, Ron, and Ginny for lunch.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
OK, please note, I am very sorry Bid-Itch isn't up yet. It should've been the third chapter, but other lessons were more important *frowns*  
  
I hope you like the next chapter: It'll have a Slytherin point of virw of their newly added class.  
  
And you'll feel something in the next chapter when you read the Divination lesson continued.  
  
The lesson after that, hopefully, will have Bid-Itch in it.  
  
Ginny Weasel's life is gonna get weirder and weirder and you will be creeped out real soon, if you haven't already!  
  
-Hannah Queer, A.K.A. jales992. 


	6. Defense Against the DA

Chapter Six- Defense Against the DA  
  
"The DA," Hermione explained stands for 'Dangerous Anger' and that makes sense since we are angry up to the point that it's dangerous."  
  
"I like that..." Ron said dreamily, "We're 'dangerous....'"  
  
"Daz right," said Harry.  
  
"And we're totally gonna knock Malfoy and his friends off their feet!" Ginny added laughing.  
  
"And Voldemort!" Hermione reminded them.  
  
"Who?" Ron said while starting a game of Wizard's Chess.  
  
*~*~*~*~*The D.A.D.A. Classroom*~*~*~*~*  
  
"You are here to enjoy beating up and setting pain for rule-breakers... Any questions?" Un-a-Bridged asked in her girly voice.  
  
Malfoy raises his hand, "Yes Professor Un-a-Bridged. Do we get in trouble if ruin their whole lives and eat their SHEEP!"  
  
"Bahhhhh! Nonsense Draco! You may ruin their whole lives, and even kill them, but you may never kill their sheep! Bahhhhh! I have spoken!"  
  
"Yeah right Professor Un-A-Bridged!" The class chanted as they put their books in their baggy-packs.  
  
"And remember! No human sacrifices!"  
  
(I don't wanna finish that statement.... so I won't.)  
  
Today, we will also learn how to trap innocent DA members and pull their legs off! Any questions?"  
  
"Yes Professor Un-A-Bridged! What will we do with their legs?" Goyle asked.  
  
"Good question!" Un-a-bridged grinned, "We're selling them to laboratory rats! Isn't that smashing?"  
  
"Yes, Professor Un-A-Bridged!"  
  
"And maybe... if we're lucky enough," Un-a-bridged added, "The Hogwarts sheep will accept this as a donation!"  
  
"ILL!!!!!"  
  
(I'm not gonna finish this bit either.)  
  
*~*~*~*At the Common Room*~*~*~*  
  
"I win!" Harry yelled.  
  
"No, you don't..." Ron said grimly, "I can still attack your queen!"  
  
"Wha?" The king knocked the queen off the board where it cracked on the floor.  
  
"Bummer," Ron said suddenly.  
  
"What now?" Harry asked.  
  
"Divination."  
  
"NOT AGAIN!"  
  
"Ginny said she'd do something to help us out...."  
  
*~*~*~*At Divination*~*~*~*  
  
Trelawney had enough of this, and so she went to her desk and took out a vaccuum cleaner (hey! Remember it's Hogwarts!) "Nobody move! Or else, I'll be forced to use this...."  
  
The class gasped.  
  
Trelawney had enough of this, and so she went to her desk and took out a vaccuum cleaner (hey! Remember it's Hogwarts!) "Nobody move! Or else, I'll be forced to use this...."  
  
The class gasped.  
  
Trelawney had enough of this, and so she went to her desk and took out a vacuum cleaner (hey! Remember it's Hogwarts!) "Nobody move! Or else, I'll be forced to use this...."  
  
The class gasped.  
  
ATTENTION! YOU ARE NOT EXPERIENCING DEJA VU! YOU ARE EXPERIENCING....  
  
Ginny Weasel giggled silently. She had used a time-turner! Like she was gonna end class....  
  
~^&*() One hour into the future... ^&*()  
  
And then, it was all over.  
  
How can anyone have argued with that? The end of Divination... that quickly!  
  
-Hannah Queer, A.K.A. jales992. 


	7. BidItch!

Although it has nothing to do with bidding or itching, (0.o) here's chapter seven! *~*~*~*~* Chapter Seven- Bid-Itch!  
  
"Let's play Bid-Itch! It is the newest Wizarding sport, I will be the referee and teacher of this subject. The name's Professor Poof."  
  
The class moreorless nodded, just interested in what this game was all about.  
  
Professor Poof continued, "This is a sport played on brooms. It consists of six beaters, no seekers, no keepers, and no chasers. It has no quaffle, bludger, or snitch. Instead, the beaters will be yanking their bats at the opposing team, to stop them from hitting your Center. The Center's job is to stay protected by his or her fellow teammates. Any questions?"  
  
Several students raised their hands.  
  
"How many beaters go in to offense and hurt their opposing Center?"  
  
"Up to the captain," Poof answered simply looking shocked that anyone would ask that.  
  
"Is most of the game up to the captain?"  
  
"Yes. If the captain makes a play up, then everyone else has to follow it."  
  
"Who chooses the captain?"  
  
"Why me, of course."  
  
"When can we start playing?" Ginny finally asked.  
  
"Right now, just get a broom, we got new Zero 2000s, so practice on those."  
  
"I always wanted to ride a Zero," Ron commented to Harry.  
  
"Who wouldn't?" Harry asked.  
  
"Dunno, but I'm just saying..."  
  
"Tryouts are this afternoon." Poof finished and turned to go back in. But the students were way too excited to go in. Everyone chatted about it for ages.  
  
Ginny Weasel ended out racing everyone. Only to win several times. Ron and Harry tied a few times, but Harry won slightly more than him. Not to everyone's surprise, Hermione wasn't riding a broom well at all.  
  
Hermione finally confessed, "The reason I tried out is to get into Wizarding sports."  
  
"We kinda figured that," Harry said, as Ron just grinned and said...  
  
"We are gonna make the team!"  
  
"You know it!" Ginny Weasel smiled at everyone and pulled her hair out of a ponytail.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Here are the results for the Gryffindor team!" Poof yelled out to the group of students, "Here's the list of beaters... first is Ms. Hermione Granger!" Harry, Ron, and Ginny grinned at each other, pleased to see a change in Hermione.  
  
"Second beater...." Poof continued is Mr. Hairy Potter!" (Yes, Hairy, not Harry.) Ron gasped, because he was just so shocked, Harry was like, the best and fastest player, and he was a beater?  
  
"He was stronger," Poof explained at the gaping crowd.  
  
"Third beater is..." Poof grinned, "Mr. Ron de Weasel!"  
  
"It's Ron the Weasel!" Ron corrected, though pleased he made the team.  
  
"Whatever," Poof said, obviously caring, "The next pair of beaters is... Forge and Gred de Weasels!"  
  
"The Weasels!" Forge and Gred said.  
  
"Whatever," everyone yelled. They were way too impatient and were waiting for Poof to call their names, incorrectly.  
  
"And the center," Poof said finally, "Is..."  
  
"Professor Poof!" Colin said racing across the Bid-Itch field, "My brother broke his leg, both ams, and neck because of a Bid-Itch injury!"  
  
"Later," Poof smirked, "This is more important!"  
  
"Draco Malfoy!" Poof yelled.  
  
"What?!" Hairy yelled back at her, "He's not a Gryffindor."  
  
"For your information," Poof glared, "I gestured to him to stop hexing that first-year!"  
  
"The center for Gryffindor, is actually... Ms. Ginny de Weasel!" Nobody bothered correcting that. Ron laughed, imagining for a second what it would be like if Draco switched places with Ginny for a day!  
  
"The team for Slytherin is..." Poof blabbed on and on, but the Gryffindors sneaked off to celebrate, and practice, with their new captain, whose brown eyes flashed across her face.  
  
"So..." Ron grinned, "What's the latest team tactic, Hermione?" She became captain for brains and skill, not just plain old luck.  
  
"I've been thinking of using psychology to trick the opposing players."  
  
"More easily said, than done." Ginny grinned too, "Let's practice now!" How could anyone have argued with that? Hermione shoots the narrator.  
  
"It's 2 AM, how can we?"  
  
"Actually, I was thinking of going back into time, but that doesn't sound like the brightest idea," Ginny smiled loyally at Hermione and waited for a reply.  
  
*~*~*~*A/N*~*~*~*  
  
What do you think? Please review! I'm desperate!  
  
-Hannah Queer, A.K.A. jales992. 


	8. Dangerous Anger & Details

"Love to!" said Fred, "Imagine the possibilities of making the Slytherin team a little more... worse."  
"I was thinking along the same lines," replied Ginny, who was actually thinking about what exactly Hermione planned to do as captain. Had she ever even been on a broom before?  
"You know..." said Hermione grinning mischieviously, "Although I'd much rather work on SPEW, I'm wondering if I should start work on Dangerous Anger..."  
"Yeah!" Ron jumped suddenly, "We'll learn how to kill Malfoy, Umbridge, Malfoy's fellow Slytherins, oooh... and protect Dumbledore, too."  
"And Voldemort," added Harry shortly.  
"Wha?" said Ron absentmindedly as looked back over to Hermione, "So... who's the teacher?"  
"Um... I've been thinking..." said Hermione avoiding eye contact with Harry, "Someone who's a leader, not a follower, is pretty good in _most_ charms," Harry frowned, "And needs a second chance to redeam themselves."  
"Lemme guess..." Ron rolled his eyes, "Ginny Weasel, head of the crown."  
"Well, actually, I was thinking more along the lines of..." Hermione's tone got dreamy, "Gilderoy Lockhart."  
"Have you gone mad!" said Harry, obviously frustrated, "Him! Him... and not... someone else?"  
"Well, what other options are there, Harry?" Hermione blinked at him.  
"I dunno... someone who has more experience, who's actually fought against them before..." Harry frowned.  
"Don't say another word Harry!" Hermione smiled, "I know where you're getting at. And I'm afraid I'm not willing or interested," Harry gaped at her, "So we're settled then? Lockhart it is?"  
Ron and Harry exchanged nervous glances.  
"Um... Hermione?" Ginny said over her shoulder, "Harry's got a point. You are talented and all..."  
"But never as much as Professor Lockhart!" Hermione hugged her book tightly, skipped to her backpack, tucked the book in and reached for something deep inside her bag.  
"Found it," Hermione said, "It's the time-turner I used in our third year. I kept it, and still want to put it to good use."  
"Er... I'd prefer mine," Ginny commented, turning away.  
"You're kidding us!" Ron's jaw dropped, "You kept that... junk... I thought you returned it!"  
"I knew I should use it for something more worthwhile, and practicing for Bid-Itch seems just the thing!"  
"Have you flown before?" Ginny couldn't hold that question back much longer.  
"Kinda, for the try-outs." Hermione looked away.  
But even Ron knew what was happening, "And were you good?" He asked.  
At this, Hermione said, "No, but at least I got a wand." When she changed the topic to begonias, Ginny knew that Hermione would be the only draw-back of their team winning the Inter-House Bid-Itch Cup.

Well, now you know the details. Hermione's upset, Harry's angry, Ron is confused, Ginny is thinking, and everyone else is skipping. The next chapter will sound very boring from it's description, but I don't think it will put anyone to sleep. This will be the most muggle-like class, Quilling, which surprisingly enough, is writing. Bet you could've guessed! Sounds boring, but the teacher is interesting. Also, Lockhart will be back. Remember, he's only just lost his memory and no one exactly loves him, with the exception of Hermione.


	9. LockHearted and Bahs

(A/N: Beware the summary. It has a lot of holes in it.)

"Lockhart," Harry fumed, "Of all the people that could've taken charge of Dangerous Anger, Lockhart."  
"Could be worse mate," Fred winced, "Suppose if it were Un-a-bridged instead." Harry, Ron, Ginny, and the twins shuddered.  
"Hermione just can't make good choices," said Ron, wiping his face with an enchanted napkin.  
"That does sounds familiar," Ginny whispered to Harry, as they noticed Ron had attempted to bite the napkin and was gagging on it, "Let's just hope the teacher of Quilling is perfectly sane."  
"That wouldn't be our only issue," Harry blinked as Ron had now attempted to tear the napkin to pieces to chew it more efficiently.  
"Uh oh," George winced, "Here comes you know who 'you know who...'  
"VOLDEMORT!" Ron shrieked. He had swallowed the napkin already and now was looking around wildly, while everyone in the Great Hall was staring at him, several squinting and covering their ears.  
"You okay Ron?" said Hermione from behind him worriedly, "You look..." Ron turned around eyes popping out, "...not sane."  
Before Ron could answer, the doors of the Great Hall bust open, and there stood someone looking just as sane as Ron.  
It was an exact replica of Un-a-bridged, except looking more healthy, and taller. She seemed to weigh less too.  
"HELLO ALL MY PEOPLE! I AM HERE TO TEACH QUILLING!" She bellowed, and several students were knocked off their seats as her voice echoed through the Great Hall, "CAN YOU ALL HEAR ME?"  
"She must've forgotten her hearing aid," Dumbledore annouced with a pale face, "Please join us at the table Professor Umbridge!" Dumbledore yelled weakly.  
"WHAT!" Umbridge bellowed again, and all those who remained still in their seats either jumped in shock or tumbled to the floor.  
Ginny was one of those who fell hard on the ground, and had the split second to notice Dumbledore wave his wand sternly. Umbridge was sent flying to the Head Table.  
"That doesn't look like any Umbridge that much," Ron whimpered, "But either way, she has a way with threats."  
"She's teaching Quilling," Hermione repeated blankly, "But she's a witch!"  
"Duh," said Harry.  
"I think she can speak normally know... she's chatting to Dumbledore..." Ginny frowned.  
"She probably really did have a hearing aid," said Hermione replied, "I have a feeling that she's perfectly sane, just on medications. She's just as sane as Lockhart," Hermione glowed.  
Everyone who heard her groaned.

"G' morning class," Umbridge said as her class walked into her classroom.  
"'Mornin'," a few people mumbled, although she didn't seem to mind.  
"As you know, Quilling is the art of writing. Supposedly, writing and reading was first created in the Stone Age, when the first witch made a writing spell to send a curse upon all future generations. However I disagree. I believe it was created when the world was young, and there came a species, one that brought pure inspiration to all future generations. And guess what! I brought to school that very species today!"  
"Really?" Ginny raised her eyebrows.  
"Really, er... Ms. --" Umbridge blinked.  
"...Weasel. And that species would be?" Ginny stared.  
"SHEEP!" Umbridge glowed.  
"Yeay!" Most of her classmates, including herself cheered.  
"Sheep," Hermione looked agrivated, "A teacher who brings sheep to class! Who in the world would bring barn animals to school!"  
Everyone dared glance at Ginny Weasel.  
"If you can't respect sheep, I'm sure you won't get to far in my class..."  
"What!" Hermione gasped, frustrated, "Barn animals have nothing to do with education!"  
Umbridge rolled her eyes. However it was Ron who answered, "It's for inspiration 'Mione, get with the big picture..."  
"I hate barn animals!" Hermione shrieked as Ginny attempted to hand her a little baby lamb, "Ew! Gross! Ginny, you don't know where that filthy animals been!" The class grew silent.  
"You're right," Ginny sighed, "Professor, did you herd these yourself or buy them illegally? If it's illegal, don't worry we won't tell!"  
"Hooray!" The class continued cheering.  
"Ugh," said Hermione, and that was the only word she muttered until after class.

"Welcome back Professor!" Hermione smiled, "To Hogwarts!" Gilderoy Lockhart didn't seem to hear her and was instead playing with a doorknob.  
"Er..." Hermione frowned, "Take my hand..."  
"Ew! Gross! But I don't know where you've been!"  
"Oh please..." Hermione rolled her eyes, "Just follow me! I er... want autographs!"  
"Really?" Lockhart turned his attention to her, "Depends... how much?"  
"How does several thousand sound?" Hermione smiled truthfully.  
"Ooooooh! Yeay! I just learned joined-up writing you know! And I think there was something else you had to tell me... like you had a strange case of dangerous anger?"  
"Uh, no, never mind that. I need the autographs. Gotta get money, ya know..."  
"Excuse me?"  
"Money... for more autograph pictures!"  
"Hoorah!" Lockhart smiled, "I learned the alphabet, wanna hear me sing it?"  
"Uh, actually..." Hermione turned away.  
"A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R..." Hermione stopped listening at D. Two little letters she needed to practice.

Yes, I agree, this is a very strange chapter. Lockhart hasn't changed much, has he?

Hmm... well, the next chapter will overall, be continuing this one. The DA isn't looking too good... which Lockhart will try to fix. There will be a concert, badgers and mushrooms (inspired by friend), and Bid-Itch practice.


	10. Too Strange?

"Why is it?" Hermione asked Lockhart frustrated, "That each time I come up with an idea, it stinks!"  
"It's not my fault you come up with ridiculous ideas," Lockhart answered, before playing with his hair, "And when would you like that batch of autographs?"  
Hermione turned away, "Forget the autographs... do something..." Lockhart started playing with the doorknob again, "Smart."  
"Aren't I?"  
So naturally, Hermione decided to give him a sleeping pill...

"You knocked out Lockhart?" Ron asked joyfully, "I'm so proud of you!"  
"Go Hermione!" Harry exclaimed, "How about as a treat, you don't need to show up for Bid-Itch practice today!" He smiled falsely.  
"Oh..." Hermione frowned, "You know what, I really don't want to go, but the team needs me... I mean, after all, I am the best..."  
"You've been around Lockhart too long Hermione," Hermione raised an eyebrow at Ron, "...And I'm just fine with that!"  
"Good, now Ron?"  
"Yes?"  
"Shut up." As if on cue, the common room portrait flung open revealing Colin with a flushed face.  
"Guess what?" he asked the room happily, "Guess who actually will be playing at the Great Hall tomorrow at 7?" When the trio shrugged, he answered, "The Badgers and Mushrooms, of course!"  
"Oh..." said Harry, feeling confused. He had never heard of a band like that. Was it named in honor of Hufflepuff? Ginny had just arrived at that moment. Harry looked around to see his friends' reactions. Hermione wore a frown. Ron, a smirk. Ginny, a straight face.  
"Yes I heard," Ginny said, "But the Badgers and Mushrooms aren't really a big deal..." Ron was snickering. "..As far as I heard, they're also rather short tempered..." Ron cracked up now.  
"Ron, what is so funny?" Hermione asked.  
"The Badgers...are the band..." Ron subdued a laugh, "They're...tiny."  
"Tiny?"  
"Yeah, they're what two feet at the most?"  
"The Badgers... and the Mushrooms?"  
"The Mushrooms..." Ron echoed, "The badgers name their instruments mushrooms..."  
The trio along with Ginny cracked up.  
"That's really not funny," said Colin, "They've got skills! They play guitars!"  
"Here's another thing," Ron snickered, "They play these boxes with strings on them and they 'strum' them. They call that music! I call that--"  
"Watch it Ron!" Hermione warned him.  
"Oh, right, sorry."  
"Well, we'll b late for Bid-Itch if we don't hurry up. C'mon let's go..." Hermione frowned.

"Here's how it works," Hermione said to her bored team, "The first tactic will be called Chocolate Milk."  
The team nodded slowly.  
"This new strategy requires all players, even the Center, to attack the opponent's Center."  
"That's it?" asked Ginny.  
"Right."  
"Then why is it called Chocolate Milk?"  
"I was thirsty when I came up with the strategy."  
"Hermione," Ginny paused, "You're crazy."  
"Thanks Ginny," Hermione smiled thoughtfully, "But my friends say I'm smart..."  
"Yo, captain!" Forge frowned, "Are we allowed to hit the Center in the shins?"  
"Well," Hermione said, "You see, Malfoy's the Center. You can hit him anywhere as long as you're positive you'll give him as much pain as possible."  
"That sounds very..." Gred paused, "Abnormal of you."  
"Thanks," Hermione grinned, "But you could call me clever."  
"How will I live with myself?"  
"Chocolate Milk..." Harry snickered, as the team set off to try the strategy out.


End file.
